Monster
by missxbaphne
Summary: Esme goes through her change, and Carlisle feels the fires of hell. Carlisle/Esme. Companion piece to "Selfish"


Title: Monster.  
Author: baphne  
Rating: PG, maybe.  
Characters/Pairings: Carlisle/Esme.  
Disclaimer: It's not my sandbox.  
**Author's Note:** This a companion piece to "Selfish" and while one can be read without the other, for a better understanding, you should check out both.

--

He had been apart of the world for 281 years and in that time he had seen many things, both devastating

and monumental. When he was born into the after life, he had considered himself one of the purest forms of evil. The thirst had overpowered him and he wanted it more than anything else; the young and very much alive Carlisle would have never seen that as a possibility

as he was so determined to do 'God's Work' for his father, in that time pleasing his father was all that mattered. After he had been bitten his whole life had been taken from a Godly light and plunged into the fires of hell.

The first time that Carlisle was sure that he was not damned was the first time he drank blood, blood that was not human. Another life was possible, he didn't have to become a monster. Since that moment he had never felt like a monster, he felt like a man searching to win back his soul by doing good deeds.

Try as he might, he could never compare the _pain_ that he went through, both during the actual change and as he searched for his life, until this very moment. He thought nothing could even be put in the same category as that pain until this moment.

Carlisle Cullen had never been more sure that he was a monster sent straight from the pits of hell until he looked at her in death.

Sweat matted her carmel hair to her pale forehead, that was becoming lighter by the moment, her limbs moved in spasms as the venom continued to spread though her. His golden eyes found her once brown ones and he felt the fires of hell.

They were becoming a different color entirely, a color he knew all to well. Red, blood red.

"Please!" She screamed, face contorted in agony. "Please make it stop! You're hurting me! God, PLEASE!"

Her sobs were the only sound that greeted his ears. He had known the transformation would be painful and he didn't want to raise questions, to avoid this inevitable thing he had brought her to an abandoned

building a few miles from the hospital. He wasn't even sure if he still had a job there after running from it three nights ago with out so much as a goodbye; he also wasn't sure that he even cared.

They didn't have much longer in the transformation, she was in the worst of it now - the last day is always the worst. The first day is filled with fire, that much he remembered, the second day the fire begins to change into pain. The third day is when the body changes, becomes like stone and the blood becomes food, not the life source it once was. The third day is the day that stays with all vampires, no matter how old they become.

Edward had left them alone, seeing in Carlisle's mind how hard this was for him. At first he had offered to watch her while his 'father' got some rest. Carlisle had tried to hide his thoughts but he knew Edward heard him. _'No rest for the wicked'_.

Sighing, he glanced at his watch. They had roughly 20 minutes until they change was complete. He wanted so much for this all to be over, for her to stop screaming.

A screeched pierced through the night and Carlisle felt his heart break. He reached for her hand, holding it in his equally cold one.

"It's almost over. I promise."

Her screams became more subdued at his words while his hand held hers still. Something about hearing his voice calmed her and for that he was grateful. He was a monster, but she wasn't. No, she was the purest of angels and he was a selfish monster who didn't even deserve to be in the same room as her.

Before he could comprehend what was about to happen her body stilled, the pain finally ending.

He pressed his icy lips to her forehead as he mumbled words of apology.

She would awake at any moment and he had to be ready. The thirst was strongest then and she would be thousands of times stronger then him, her own human blood filling her.

Wrapping his arms around her small body he buried his nose in her hair. She felt so perfect, so pure. She was all he had ever searched for, all he had ever wanted.

That was all ripped from his arms very suddenly as she sprang away as though his iron grip was nothing more than a child holding a mother's hand.

Bright red eyes took in the room before she ran for the door, he ran after her but she was much to fast.

_You fool!,_ he thought. _You should have been ready!_

He heard a crash as she fly out of the door. It sounded like thunder.

As he reached the door, he saw her struggling to break free of the person who had blocked her escape path.

Carlisle had never been more thankful to God to have Edward in his life than he was at that moment.

The young vampire pulled her back into the room and placed her struggling form back on the floor. Edward was much newer than his father, his strength greater.

Carlisle grabbed her wrist and wrapped them around her small torso while Edward secured her legs.

"Is it always like this?" his son grunted.

Carlisle looked at him in a moment of amusement. "No, I had a better grip on you."

Edward's mouth lifted up into a sideways smile, "Lucky for you."

The blond vampire looked back at the new born he was restraining, her head was lulling to both sides as she tried to fight them in vain. Two vampires were a fair bit stronger than one newborn.

"Esme." His voice was rough in his own ears. "Esme," he called again.

Her blood red eyes snapped up to met his at the mention of her human name. Awareness now filling them.

"I remember you," she stated matter of factly, her movements stilling. "You're Dr. Cullen."

If his heart could have moved it would have jumped up into his chest. She remembered him.

"Yes, yes, I'm Dr. Cullen."

Her face clouded with confusion. "Am I dead?"

Edward's chuckle reminded Carlisle that he was still in the room.

"In a manner of speaking," Carlisle told her in a voice he reserved for his patients.

--

Carlisle looked out of the window into the breaking morning. It had been a long night, even by his standards. Esme had taken the news very well, she had believed him with no doubts in her mind, he didn't need Edward to confirm that as a fact. He tried to answer her question about managing the thirst as best he could but Edward was much better at it, his first night in death much fresher than his 'father's'.

"Carlise?"

Her light voice flooded his senses, soothing all this worries and concerns about everything.

He turned to her and found her much closer than he had expected her to be comfortable being to him. Wasn't she angry with him? Didn't she hate him for being the selfish _bastard_ that he knew he was? The older vampire didn't recognize the emotion on her face.

Closing his eyes for a brief moment he prepared himself for her anger, for her rage, for her hatred.

He was not prepared for the pair of cold lips that pressed gently to his own, he was not prepared for swell of affection deep in his soul that was stronger than any of his sorrow.

As she pulled away and his eyes snapped open and onto her face he was even more surprised by her small smile.

"Forgive my forwardness, but I've been wanting to do that since I was sixteen years old."

He was selfish, and he was a monster, and he was damned for robbing such an angel from her rightful time in heaven.

A large grin broke on to his handsome face. As long as he was going to hell, he might make the most of his time with the closest he would ever come to an angel.


End file.
